my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
