I have demons in me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
