The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
