I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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