i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
