Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?

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(231): View more from Michigan

I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.

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(815): View more from Illinois

My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.

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(510): View more from California

I'm trying to make a sex playlist

(916): View more from California

record yourself crying and put it on a loop.

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(208): View more from Idaho

dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees

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(404): View more from Georgia

The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.

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(315): View more from New York

at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing

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(240): View more from Maryland

Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.

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(516): View more from New York

not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today

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