Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
