I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i now understand why vodka
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
