im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
