i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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