I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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