Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So many bounce houses so little time
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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