im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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