im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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