I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
