Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize