Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
