Porn is love you can see.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
