Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he puts the penis in happiness.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
