Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
