med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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