cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
