is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
