I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Even my vagina gasped.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
