I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
