I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
