Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
