It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
