All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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