i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
