i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
