i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
