dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
