I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
