Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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