You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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