and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
