brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My life is pants optional.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
