Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
