So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
