the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
