I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
