Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
