found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize