Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
