You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
