i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
