why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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