what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
