DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
