Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
