Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
