dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
