a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
