I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
