I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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