My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
