it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
