I'm really into asian looking animals
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
