oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
