Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
