I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
