she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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