I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
