went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
