Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
