i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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