Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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