so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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